Default Demeanor

Most of us have a general aura, or demeanor about us.  The question is:  What sort of demeanor are we in the habit of assuming towards our spouse?  What is our default position?  Is it sullen anger, peaceful acceptance, sharp/accusing, soft/loving, cold shoulder, quarrelsome/complaining? 

Proverbs 21 says, "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." 

I Peter 3 mentions "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Would you rather live with the Proverbs 21 person or the I Peter 3 person?

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But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. [I Timothy 6:11]

Practice Makes... Better

Working on one's marriage takes a lot of time, effort and practice. Being a good wife/husband isn't automatic.  Look at how many hours, days and years are put into getting a degree or music lessons or a sport. 

Becoming accomplished as a spouse takes, time, practice, effort, pain, bruises and coming back fighting (in a good way) to make things better. 

Ask the Lord to show you what skill you need to focus on right now regarding your learning curve as a wife or husband. .  God is faithful and will help you.  Remember, your job is to work on you, not to look at what your spouse is doing wrong.  Leave that part of the team to God.  

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 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  [II Corinthians 4:7]

Bring Back That Lovin' Feelin'

Remember that song?  It's true, the loving feelings aren't always there, sometimes for justifiable reasons.  What to do?

1.  Pray.  Ask God to help you forgive.
2.  Take the first step.  Reach out towards this person, who may not deserve your love at the moment.  Show kindness and forgiveness.  Be proactive.  This is very hard because you won't feel like it.  Maturity is developed in this process.  So is.....love.  Your actions, over time, will help to "bring back that lovin' feelin'. " 

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Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
[Psalm 51:12]

Needed Balance

Sticking it out for many years in a marriage can bring a new perspective. One eventually sees that the different approach our spouse takes to life's situations can provide needed balance to our one-sided approach.

I reached out in a small way to a friend with whom there'd been some strained feelings.  When telling my spouse what I had done, I questioned his opinion regarding my actions, saying, "You don't think it was necessary?"  He shrugged and said, "That's why God has us together," indicating that my actions were positive steps that he would not have initiated.

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 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? [Ecclesiastes 4:9-11]

Reconciliation

Whether it is in marriage, or in friendship, there are times when reconciliation is needed.  When we feel wronged, we often place the responsibility to reconcile in the offendor's court.  However, what if this person fails to initiate contact?  He or she may not even be aware of an offense.

How did we contribute to the conflict?  Can we apologize, even though the fault seems greater on their part?  Even after prayer for help, this can require a literal gritting of one's teeth as we approach the other person.  It seems so wrong that we have to initiate when they have been the offender. Yet this is following the way of Christ, and will bring about good things.  Even if the other person responds poorly, we can know that we tried.

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In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. [II Corinthians 5:19]

Giving Us What We Do Not Have

When we think of being without something, we often think of physical things like money, food, clothing, or even good health.  There's another kind of poverty, though.  We can be without love, patience, gentleness, self-control, and other life-sustaining things.

Just as God can be our provider for the physical things, he can supply us with things like love -- things that we can't find within ourselves.  This doesn't happen overnight.

Does a tree bear fruit in a mere instant?  It takes years of pruning, watering, harsh seasons, gentle seasons, rain, dew and sun before delicious ripe fruit is borne.  Some of the fruits that come from God are:  love, patience, gentleness, self-control, joy, peace, kindness and faithfulness.

We can be tempted to cut down our tree and plant a new one.  Yet the process of growth and maturity will take a set-back as the growth has to begin yet again.  The Master Gardener can bring us out of our poverty as we submit to His growing process.

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"If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." [John 15:5]

The Little Girl

There once was a little girl.  She knew a man who had graduated from Harvard University. He was her grandfather.   People would talk about her grandfather and say, "He is a great man."  The grandfather did not enjoy being with the little girl. When she was near him, he ignored her or was impatient with her, ridiculing her if she made a mistake.

There once was another little girl.  She knew a man named Jesus, who was from Nazareth.  People would talk about Jesus and say, "Can anything good come from Nazareth?"  Jesus enjoyed spending time with the little girl  When she was near him, he would take her onto his lap and talk with her, telling her wonderful stories about God.

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Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."  [Matthew 19:14]