Becoming Agape

Remember this well-known exchange from John 21?
 
"Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My lambs."

He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Shepherd My sheep."

He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Tend My sheep."

When Jesus said love, he used the Greek word agape, meaning selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love.  When Peter said love, he used the Greek word phileo, meaning benevolent, kindly love that is found in friendship.

Peter may have started as a phileo lover of Jesus, but he eventually became an agape lover of Jesus.  Tradition tells us that he was crucified upside down as a martyr for Jesus Christ.

Likewise, one may start out as a phileo and eros (physical) lover of one's spouse, but can grow to be an agape lover.  Christ brings about that change as we stay in close communion with Him.  He did it for Peter.  He can do it for us.

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For as often as you eat this bread, and drink this cup, you do show the Lord's death till he comes. 
[I Corinthians 11:26]

Downward Spiral

Scenario:  She feels hurt about something that has happened.  When she tells him about it, he gets angry and defensive which makes her feel more hurt.   To protect herself, she decides not to tell him how she feels in the future, creating emotional distance.  He throws up his hands in frustration, "She's never happy," and turns his back, creating emotional distance. It's a cycle that only can be broken by stepping aside from the downward spiral and looking up to God.

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I was in misery and he helped me. [Psalm 116:6]

Look Up

We try our best, but sometimes it's not good enough.  We feel down.  "The LORD upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." (Psalm 145:14)

Lord, lift me up and let me stand,
By faith, on Heaven’s table land,
A higher plane than I have found; 
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.
 Johnson Oatman Jr. (1856-1926)

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The LORD raiseth them that are bowed down.  [Psalm 146:8]

Scripture, Not Spinach

Remember the cartoon of Popeye the Sailor Man?  Whenever he needed energy, he would eat spinach and, "Voila," he had all the energy he needed. Perhaps the same can be true for us if we are walking in the will of God and, instead of spinach, we ingest scripture.

Today there was an event for which I've been preparing for three days.  I was apprehensive about my energy level -  to make it through this last full day and then be "on" for the event itself.  On my bathroom counter is a scrap of paper reading these words:  "Thy God hath sent forth strength for thee." (Psalm 68:28)  Every time, upon seeing those workds in the last  48 hours, I would pray for strength.

The event is over; it is late at night, and I am not completely wrung out and exhausted.  My God sent forth strength for me, in part by sustaining me physically and in part by the help of beautiful friends and family who stood beside me and helped with the needed tasks. 


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Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. [Psalm 105:4]

Bitter or Sweet?

As a followup from yesterday's post, here is a quote from Amy Carmichael, the Irish missionary to India. 

"For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."

What kind of water is in our hearts?  Is it sweet?  Is it bitter?  The Lord can take the bitter situations in our lives and turn them into sweetness in our hearts.  The more we seek Christ, the sweeter we become.  Pursue Him and His love.

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Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness.  [Psalm 30:11]

Default Demeanor

Most of us have a general aura, or demeanor about us.  The question is:  What sort of demeanor are we in the habit of assuming towards our spouse?  What is our default position?  Is it sullen anger, peaceful acceptance, sharp/accusing, soft/loving, cold shoulder, quarrelsome/complaining? 

Proverbs 21 says, "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." 

I Peter 3 mentions "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Would you rather live with the Proverbs 21 person or the I Peter 3 person?

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But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. [I Timothy 6:11]

Practice Makes... Better

Working on one's marriage takes a lot of time, effort and practice. Being a good wife/husband isn't automatic.  Look at how many hours, days and years are put into getting a degree or music lessons or a sport. 

Becoming accomplished as a spouse takes, time, practice, effort, pain, bruises and coming back fighting (in a good way) to make things better. 

Ask the Lord to show you what skill you need to focus on right now regarding your learning curve as a wife or husband. .  God is faithful and will help you.  Remember, your job is to work on you, not to look at what your spouse is doing wrong.  Leave that part of the team to God.  

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 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  [II Corinthians 4:7]