For Happiness or For Unhappiness

I'm not convinced that "happiness" is a necessary constant in order for someone to stay married.  Happiness often is a byproduct of wise choices made on the part of both people in a marriage. Yet, even then, there are some days when we feel happy and days when we don't, for any number of reasons. (Sometimes, the reasons can even be hormonal.)

Is it our spouse's job to make us happy? If we approach our marriage in that way, we will become demanding tyrants, contributing to misery of the very person the WE CHOSE to marry. What should be our focus on any given day?

Greater love hath no man/woman than this that he lays down his life for his friend. It comes back to Christ's perfect example, of laying aside his own rights and desires and seeking to serve those He loved. This is how to treat the person we have vowed to love for better or for worse...... for happiness or for unhappiness.

If I were to make a "happiness chart" of my own marriage, it would look like the Himalayan Mountain range. Nonetheless, the fine wine of a lasting marriage grows deeper and more valuable with each passing day.

Am I a Five-Star Spouse?

We are currently looking to buy another vehicle.  I have been spending time on car websites, like Consumer Reports and Edmunds, reading many, many reviews on certain cars. 

 

When a car is bought new and has been reviewed right away, I think, "That car hasn't stood the test of time.  It may seem great at first, but how will it do over a period of years?"

 

Each person gives the car a 1-5 star rating.  The car I'm considering has a 4.5 rating.  I read 141 reviews.  Some say, "Great vehicle.  Fun to drive.  No complaints."  Others say, "Doesn't get the gas mileage that it claims," and one said, "This vehicle stinks!"

 

It got me to thinking....

 

What rating would we get if our spouse were to give us a star rating between one and five??  Would it be, "Started off great, but didn't perform well over time,"  or, "Extremely reliable; happy with my choice,"  or perhaps,"Very disappointed; am planning to cut my losses and trade it in." 

 

It's tempting to think about what rating we would assign to our spouse, but it is more beneficial to estimate what our own rating could be.  The God who created the universe, the Milky Way, and all the stars can help us to become worthy of a 5-star rating.

WHY, Part 2

In the aftermath of the Boston bombing....

I recognize that there are no pat answers for the WHY? of human suffering.  Yet, here is a different approach than the one mentioned yesterday.

W -  Wrestle with the issue, don't wallow in it.  Turn to scripture; ask questions; the Psalmist did.  "Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." (Psalm 42:5)

H - Hope in God; don't be hopeless.  "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jer. 29:11)  Some translations say, "...to give you a hope and a future." 

Y - Yield to Christ..  Don't turn to yourself for the answers.  Think of his promised end - the Holy City the new Jerusalem.   "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." (Rev. 21:4)

Joni Earekson Tada, Bethany Hamilton, and Robert Rogers are examples of people who have taken their extreme suffering and turned to God within it.  Robert Rogers is speaking next week, April 24th, in Drexel Hill, PA.

WHY

In the aftermath of yet another horrific tragedy, we fly the American flag at half mast.  And we ask... why?  Why the senseless killing, maming, carnage?  Whether it comes at the hand of a deliberate killer, a tragic accident or an act of nature, it's an old, old question that never gets answered - the question of human suffering.

I don't think the "why" question has answers this side of eternity, but we do have a choice in how we respond to seemingly senseless suffering.  There is a foolish, human way and there is a wise, godly way.

Today, I will suggest the way of the fool....

W.H.Y.? 

W -- Wallow in it. Think about the specific tragedy often, focusing on loss, futility and depressing details.
H  --  Hopelessness.  Remind yourself that nothing will ever change.  Life's a bitch and then you die.
Y  --  trust Yourself and your response. Allow cynicism to take hold.

Stay tuned for the way of the wise, tomorrow.

Active Rest

Life has a way of waxing and waning.  There are periods of time which prove to be most difficult, almost impossible to get through.  Then, there are segments where things are bearable, and then even seasons that prove to be enjoyable.  During the easier seasons, one can be tempted to settle back, relax and coast along.

I joined an adult "Masters" swimming workout some years back.  Having been a regular swimmer prior to this, I quickly found that what I once did as an entire workout, was what the Masters did just to warm up.  Their workouts lasted one hour, fifteen minutes.  They would do "sets" of swimming, with short rests in between.  Sometimes the rest would be a few seconds, while clinging to the pool's edge.  Other times, we would have an "active rest," where we would continue swimming, but very slowly and in a relaxed manner. 

During the easier seasons of life, perhaps it is best to take an "active rest."  We can use the emotional and physical break to continue in communion with God, reading His Word, praying, seeking Christian fellowship. That way, when the hard times hit, which they inevitably will, we will be stronger and more prepared to endure.

If you are in an easier season right now, I encourage you to take an "active rest."

How to Draw Near

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Purify your hands, you sinners; sanctify your hearts, doubting souls." (James 4:8) Aramaic Bible in English

Tips for Drawing Near to God
1.  Soak in the scriptures (read or listen)
2.  Recognize the hand of God in daily life. (Pray to recognize God's hand and voice in your life.)
3.  Play your instrument; sing; do both.
4.  Talk about truth.
5. Laugh often; be thankful.
6. Think of the eternal value of your actions and the pleasure that will be yours eternally.
7.  Read great books and biographies. (Pilgrim's Progress, George Mueller, Padre Pio)

Prayer and Kindness

Three days after the Newtown, Connecticut massacre, we pray for those entering a lifetime of grief.
We care for them by small acts of kindness.  A smile, a kind word, a gift -- small gestures that can be a momentary balm for the fire of their pain.